It’s amazing how your life can change in an instant and everything you have known is gone. Moments like those are when people put a hand on your shoulder and tell you everything will get better and that you will be alright. Sadly those people are optimists and they have a delusional look at life, granted I’m not a pessimist here either. I’m a realist and I have been since I was nine but let me get this out of the way first. My name is Guy Donnelly and my life isn’t what I’d ever even hope it’d be. Surprised? Well I’m not who you think I am, I’m the other Guy. Let me explain first off where shit went wrong. Someone woke Loretta. Doesn’t make sense? Well I’m explaining so sit back and listen.

I was about nine years old when my Father sat me down and explained to me what a divorce was. He told me that he cared about my mother but she was hurting herself and he had to do what was best for me and him. He told me he wanted to protect me from the pain and someday things might get better for her and we’d see her again. My mother’s problem is that she was fun. She was fun all night, fun with a bottle, fun at a party, fun at a bar and when it came time to end the fun she was all but dead to the world. There were times where I’d be at the my baby sitter’s apartment, a cool Hawaiian family downstairs from us, to check on my Mother only to find her passed out in one of three places, couch, bed or bathroom floor. I learned that if you wanted to wake Mom so you could use the bathroom that cold water worked well but slapping her cheek worked better. When Dad moved us out I wondered who would help Mom if we weren’t there but Dad said she needed to help herself. Time passed and I barely saw Mom and finally the time came where Dad and I were in the court house waiting to start the divorce and I was left outside the court room while Dad waited inside for it to start. I sat idly by when Mom walked in upright and smiled at me with an older man I’d never seen before in a suit. I wanted to find out what was happening but I wasn’t allowed in so I waited for my Father to finish what he was doing and then we’d head back to our new home. It seems like forever when you’re a child and waiting but when the doors opened to the court room I was not greeted by my Father’s smiling face and reassuring touch. I saw my Dad sand and with his shoulders slumped exit the court room and watched as a man in uniform, a police officer, walked my Father away from me. Then Mother appeared with her friend. She explained that I was going to live with her now and we’d be having a lot of ‘fun’.

Six months after the court date Mom got herself a job and when she wasn’t at work she was out in the bars drinking and having a great time only now there was no family or neighbors to watch me. She moved us to a new place and instead of paying someone to keep an eye on me I was left to my own devices in the back of the bar while she danced and drank. Some days I was lucky and wouldn’t get taken out only to get woken up by her when she’d come stumbling in. In the mornings I was getting her and me up out of bed so she could go to work then walk to the bus stop and head to school. We spent another year in that apartment and I’d grown accustomed to the flavors of jelly and jam that go with peanut butter as Mom couldn’t be bothered to go out shopping more often than once every two to three weeks and I wasn’t allowed to use the stove. Oh and don’t think about Mom cooking, starving dogs would rather eat you than what she called a ‘cooked meal’. Back to that year I was informed that we were moving thanks to a great job offer she got in another state. I didn’t know what it meant at the time but in actuality it was the state asking questions about her parenting. So we packed up everything we owned and moved from Michigan to Illinois. We weren’t in state for a week before Mom had a new group of friends and a regular bar to sit her ass at, best part this one was in walking distance of where we lived. Life returned to the norm of me sitting in school for the day and sitting at home most of the evening.

There weren’t many rules in ‘Mom’s Fun Land’ so I was left to make a few of my own. No other kids could come over. This was mostly because I didn’t want anyone to see the disaster that was Mom or where I was living. Second I spoke to nobody about her and what she did. See the first rule and you will understand why. To say I wasn’t very popular was an understatement. When I did make friends it was only us in school friendships, I couldn’t go over to their houses because Mom would need to drive me, fat chance, and them coming over was a ‘see rule one’ scenario. Also talking to other kids who had game systems, computers and two parents wasn’t something I could do well either because I didn’t have those things. I borrowed a calculator from my teacher with the expectation to return it at the end of the year because Mom couldn’t find the time to get me one. Finally I had to take care of the two of us so that meant going out in public to places where other kids would be was out because I needed to make sure when Mom was home she was doing okay.

Not a full year passed in Illinois when I was told we were moving again. This came after a man in a suit followed me home and then came by the school to ask me a lot of questions about Mom. I didn’t want to talk to him mostly because you don’t talk about family to strange people and when he tries to write everything down you do say it’s creepy. This time the move was bigger than just to a state away from home where Dad was. This move was to Texas and that’s where things changed big time. I was in middle school and still keeping up with taking care of Mom when something happened and I didn’t know what it was at the time. She came home one day and brought dinner with her. We sat and ate but she barely spoke to me and then after we ate she sat and watched TV. When your mother leaves almost every night to drink for almost three years nights like this are odd. I watched as later than usual she changed into some clothes to go out and left. I was woken later that night by her returning home trying to be quiet; this woke me because it was brand new. Not that she was trying not to wake me coming back home, more that she was sober and very quiet. Next morning Mom was up almost when I was and had some breakfast with me before sending me off to school. My return home was even odder as the apartment was clean when I walked in and Mom was home. This oddity continued for the next few months till one day Mom left to go out and I figured it was her getting back to ‘Fun Mom’ mode. It was an hour from bed time when she got back in still dressed nice and there was a man with her. He was tall like my dad but had black hair and was wearing a suit. Mom introduced the man as Mr. Delauter but kept calling him Mark. He was polite but I don’t think I said more than ‘hello’ to him. Mom brought a man home, a sober functioning man, and there wasn’t a bottle in sight. I saw the new man more often and he was polite with me when we were in each other’s presence but I kept my distance, didn’t know when Mom was going to ditch this one so I just waited it out.

It was the almost the end of the school year and Mom with her boyfriend wanted to take me somewhere. I had no clue what was going on but since I was eating more than peanut butter and jelly and not having to take care of everything I was content to go with the flow. We were in his shiny car in the afternoon and the drive took us from our small apartment to his house. Clarification, his huge freaking house with a yard you couldn’t mow in a weekend alone. I’m guided out of the car and into the house as Mom and I are being led to small room with a couple couches and a few chairs topped off by its own fireplace. Mom has me sit alone in a chair till her Mr. Delauter returns with three children of his own. First one is a boy much larger and a couple years older than I am with black hair like his father but his is also longer and not styled for business, more the messy attractive boy look on a large muscled frame. Following him in are two girls who look a little alike but dress very differently. The girl on the left has dark brown hair done in a pony tail and glasses and wearing a proper polo shirt and slacks while the one on the right is very opposite. Her hair is more black than dark brown like her sister and has waviness to it that I see some girls get at my school, and she is sporting a more popular look with a jean skirt that sits above her knees and white tank top with a matching jean jacket, the jacket being unbelievably bedazzled. I have no clue what I have been walked into as the other kids, my Mother’s boyfriend’s kids, sit down with girls on a couch and boy in a chair almost across from me. Mom and Mr. Delauter are standing in front of us when he decides to speak.

“Kids you’ve met Loretta in passing over the past few months and the two of us decided it was finally time to bring things together. This boy here is her son Guy,” the three look at me with almost no expression as I’m sitting in a ratty polo shirt and worn jeans,” There will be some coming changes in the next few months and I want all six of us to pull together with what happens next.”

“Okay Dad we’ll pull together but why are we meeting today, I was going to hang out with my friends,” the son says obviously not interested in the news.

“Well Mark this is important, more than your free time with your friends. Guy that is my son Mark Jr. and the twins are my girls Abigail and Bethany,” Mr. Delauter points out the girl with glasses first then the popular girl.

I wave lightly completely out of my element and smile a little only to get a light smile back from Abigail in the glasses, some hope for this. I turn my attention back to my Mom who is nervous or excited, not sure which.

“Kids you’ve all met me before and we’ve talked a little but something important in all our lives has happened. Your father asked me to marry him,” Mom says it and the air leaves the room,” and I said yes.”

“So you’re going to be our new mom,” the popular girl Bethany asks.

Mom nods and things turn to the loud and excited. Everyone is up off their seats except me hugging and talking as I sit and think about everything that’s been happening over the past few months. They know my mom, they’re hugging her but I have no clue who they are. I’m stunned as things turn to dinner at this new place and everyone is talking except me when I realize that nobody has even noticed. I finish the meal with everyone and a nice Mexican lady takes my plate, no dishes is a plus I guess. Mom and I are driven home by her future husband who gives her a kiss like Dad used to before leaving us to our apartment.

“I’m so glad you like Mark’s children, I think you and Mark Jr. will get along so well together,” Mom starts as I try to speak.

“Mom they don’t know me, I don’t know if I want to live with them,” I say the words but they aren’t heard.

“You’ll be living in a house and a bigger room, Mark and I picked it out for you a couple weekends ago…,” she keeps talking about this like she can’t hear me.

For years I waited my mother to stop going out and come home, now she did and I can’t figure out why nobody can hear me. The next few weeks where I’m finishing out my final year of middle school I’m put to meet and get to know my future step siblings, it doesn’t go over well from what I can guess. I try talking but I don’t have a lot in common with Abigail and Bethany. I tried hanging out with Mark Jr. only to be locked out of his room or left behind at the new house. Last week before the wedding I’m at the new ‘home’ and have been moved into my room. It’s big, bigger than the living room at the old apartment but I’m still trying to get a feel for the ‘new house, new family’. I’m heading past Bethany’s room when I hear the popular sister talking to someone.

“I swear I will never understand why he has to live with us,” Bethany tells someone as I listen in a little.

“Honey he’s her son and Guy isn’t a bad kid just really shy,” I hear Mr. Delauter tell his daughter.

“Dad he’s a freak, even Abigail thinks he’s weird,” she argues and I feel more than a little shame.

“Loretta and Guy are going to be part of the family soon, I recommend you make the best of the situation and help your new brother,” he tells her as I sneak back to my room.

Learning that someone doesn’t like you is hard when you didn’t do anything to them. I want to talk to Mom about this wedding again but she’s too busy making sure it happens. The day finally comes and I’m walking Mom down the aisle. I hand her over to Mr. Delauter, my new step dad, and he doesn’t even look at me or say anything. I take my spot as the ceremony begins and when it’s over the guests, about fifty people I’ve never seen before, welcome the happy couple. The party rages on and I find myself alone now more than ever as Mr. Delauter’s kids spend time with people they know or their friends. I catch Abigail watching me a little but nothing happens so it’s a null point.

Wedding comes and goes and instead of an immediate honeymoon Mom and my new Step Dad decide to wait till he was able to finish out some of his legal cases, I discovered he’s a lawyer, before taking their honeymoon. The next two months is when I see the new set up in the household. Mom is now a real Mom taking care of the girls and giving advice to Mark Jr. the few times he’s asked. I watch as Bethany suddenly becomes the perfect daughter constantly sweet talking Mom and being overly helpful with absolutely everything. I try to interject but I’m pushed to the side mostly by Bethany but Mom doesn’t seem to notice or mind it. It takes almost two months to clear Mr. Delauter’s work before he and Mom leave on their honeymoon and us children are left in the care of a security professional for the house and grounds, Rosa the maid and Mark Jr. who is allegedly in charge. I try to talk to Mom but she just passes my attempts to get out or away from the situation by telling me to be good for my older brother.

At first everything is quiet and I look at what I’m going to be doing for my first year in high school. I review classes and schedule, check what I’ll need and plan out my courses, all things I was doing before when Mom was ‘fun’. It takes a week before I’m sitting alone in the living room watching TV when Bethany struts into the room and shuts the TV off with the remote.

“Listen here, we don’t want you here and if you haven’t noticed neither does your mom or my dad,” her words are harsh and I figure I need to speak up.

“She’s my Mom, she wants me here,” I try to argue but Bethany is quick to counter.

“If she’s your Mom why does she spend all her time with me? Why does she tuck Abby in bed at night and sing her to sleep? Why does she help Mark with his homework? She’s our Mom, you’re just her useless baggage that we have to put up with till High School is over,” I sit there and listen as she lays out the new reality of my life,” For the next four years you are living here but you will not associate with me, my sister or my brother when we are at school or in public. You are dead weight and I don’t want your stain on our family.”

“We’re supposed to be brother and sister,” I say hurt and wanting to go home.

“I have a brother and sister, you have no one. Understand,” she moves to stand in front of me looking down,” Now what are you going to do for the next four years?”

“I want to go home,” I say it but she doesn’t hear me.

“If you won’t do what I say then I guess I’m going to make you,” I look up at her confused as she smiles at me.

I don’t believe what I’m seeing till it’s too late and stand up from couch after it happens. Bethany took her hand, slapped her own face and then flung herself gracefully over the coffee table in front of the couch landing on the floor with a thud. I stood up because I didn’t know what to do when I hear the crying. She hit herself and started crying, I didn’t understand why she did that until I hear the new voice in the room.

“What did you do to my sister,” Mark Jr. growls from the door.

“I didn’t do…,” I barely speak when Bethany cries out cutting me off.

“He hit me, Mark he hit me for no reason,” her words chill me and I feel myself get sick to my stomach.

I’ve been in a couple fights before in school where a kid didn’t like me or thought I was weird and hit me, never did much to fight back mostly because I didn’t know how. I have faint memories of my Dad talking to me about how to breathe and think but those are vague and distant. So when my small thin frame is standing confused as the larger high school football defensive tackle step brother charges me the result is a beating that leaves me on the floor of the room with Mark Jr. kneeling on my chest hitting me in the face.

“Never touch my sisters, you lay a finger on either one of them and I’ll do this,” Mark yells before punching me in the eye.

I don’t know how many times he hit me but when he was done I was left crying on the floor. I don’t know how long I lay there but I learned a lesson, I have no family here. When I finally picked myself up off the floor I went to my room and didn’t see anyone for two days. Rosa the maid used her key on the third day and brought me my meals. On day five I had a pain in my mouth that turned out to be a tooth that was almost knocked out of my head and I spent two hours removing it and put it away somewhere safe. The total time for the honeymoon is three weeks but I don’t speak after day three with Bethany and Mark Jr. or even Abigail who gives me some looks that I don’t fully understand but now I don’t care. When Loretta and Mr. Delauter finally return home I watch from the upstairs balcony as the other three welcome them home. I watch as Bethany pulls so much of Mom’s attention that she doesn’t even ask about me. I should be surprised but I’m not, I haven’t been her child in years and now she has the children she wants.

I set up my classes and when it came to filling out my paperwork I didn’t list contact information for Loretta or Mr. Delauter. Okay I did list contact information but I didn’t list accurate contact information. Second I learned that between the three other kids in the house there wasn’t an activity that didn’t involve one of them or their close friends which meant I did nothing extracurricular. Originally I was informed that Mark Jr. would be the one taking us to school and bringing us home most days when he wasn’t doing football but after the first day when he got to the bus stop and had me get out I never waited for them in the mornings. Also because I was a new kid at school and had no family and no friends that weren’t somehow connected to ever popular Mark and Bethany I became a target for the local Mexican gang. They aren’t really a gang like you read about or see on the news, more like a bunch of kids who dress the same and stick together in groups of ten to fifteen. First time Hector, second in command to Carlos the leader, confronted me I tried to walk past and ignore him. That was a mistake since as soon as my back was to him he proceeded to beat me on campus in front of a bunch of students and nobody said anything. Even after one of the staff approached me on the ground hurting and told me I needed to get to class nobody did anything. I sat in class with my head down and blood coming out of my nose for a good ten minutes until the teacher saw and sent me to the nurse. I was asked who did this to me and when I said who it was they were brought in and questioned but like a pack of dogs they all said that nothing happened and now I was a snitch for talking. I took to being ignored and spit on regularly for the next three years.

Three years and I’ve done nothing but plan. First plan came at sixteen when I and the girls were getting our drivers licenses. I wasn’t thinking of driving anywhere or running away, I was looking at going to court to have Dad be my parent/guardian. At sixteen I was legally allowed to do that and spent time after school going to the courthouse to get paperwork started. It took a few months but when it was done I filed for myself and just waited. I hadn’t seen dad in so long I barely remembered what he looked like but wherever he was and whatever he was doing it was going to be better than this. When the documentation came in I wasn’t the one who picked it up first, Mr. Delauter was and without asking he opened it and read it. I was called into his office to sit down and talk with him for the first time alone ever. We both sat at his desk, him in his chair and me in the guest chair.

“Guy I would like you to explain to me why you are filing to have your custody removed from your mother and put in the care of your father,” he asked the question but the answer is already there for me.

“I don’t like it here and nobody likes me. I just want to go home and that isn’t here,” I tell him and he shakes his head at me.

“Did you try to make this a home? You sit in your room most days avoiding family, our family, and you have never expressed any problems with any other member of the family,” Mr. Delauter says and I shrug.

“It’s not like anyone would listen or believe me anyway. They are your kids and I’m not, I just want to go home,” I tell him and he slumps his shoulder before turning the file towards me.

“Your father is gone, he’s been out of the country for over half a decade and there is no known location where to contact him. Your family is here now so this is what we’re going to do, you and I are not going to talk about this to your mother because it would hurt her and you are going to get a debit card like the girls will on your birthday so that you have your own spending account. That way you can enjoy some nice things that you’ve earned being a good kid,” I hear him tell me about my dad and phase out everything else.

Dad is gone, long gone and I’m completely alone. Months pass and I have a driver’s license but wait for my birthday party that is supposed to occur on Saturday. Loretta talks about things she actually has planned for me and I become curious about what will happen since I haven’t really had a birthday party since I was nine save for a bunch of drunks in a bar singing badly to me when I was eleven. I wake up and start my day running and lifting weights, a gift from Mark Jr. Actually not a gift, they were just in my room one day after he got gym membership and wanted space. I shower and dress in my usual jeans and t shirt only to find Mom and the girls leaving to go who knows where. I think about what it could be at ten in the morning that they are going to go do. Mark and his father are gone already so I sit alone with Rosa doing her job around the house and wait. Lunch comes and goes and it even gets into the late afternoon when the father and son combination return talking about game they went to. I see merchandise and souvenirs but both barely notice me watching from the kitchen. The only person who notices me is Rosa and she wants to say something but being the paid help keeps her silence. I can’t hold it against her since it’s her job. I eat dinner and still nobody is home, no Abigail or Bethany but especially no Mom. I finally return to my room and after locking and barring the door go onto my computer and with headphones ignore the rest of the world. I would like to say that Mom came home with a cake and gifts but she didn’t, she came home from her spa day with the girls around five in the afternoon on Sunday. I didn’t even bother to come downstairs for dinner figuring I wasn’t noticed before and probably wouldn’t be noticed now.

That was the last time I tried to live, I have no real life. I don’t have anyone I call a close friend, I see Abigail and Bethany at school with it being our senior year. Mark Jr. is in college having graduated years earlier. My regular beatings and the times I got jumped have left me with a collection of small scars, some on my face, most on my back and arms. I call them souvenirs of my time in hell because that is what life feels like some days. I have the debit card that Mr. Delauter gave all of us when we turned sixteen but I take money out at the ATM and put it in a separate account that I set up as soon as I was legally allowed. Both of the girls have vehicles and Mark has his muscle car but I was not surprisingly forgotten about when it came time to get a vehicle. Doesn’t matter I don’t have anywhere to go so no need for the car and hassle. I still bus to school, I still get pushed around but I don’t talk about it or do anything. I’ve been pulled into the office a dozen times bleeding or bruised but now I shut up and say nothing. They call my Mother and leave a message but the calls actually go to my personal cell phone and are quickly deleted. I don’t bother to look forward to the next big thing that is happening at school, Homecoming Dance.

Yeah the first big dance of senior year and I’m not going to go. It’s not that I want to go I just don’t care and apparently I’m not the only one. A girl who transferred into our school half way through last year and has been watching me and trying to be sociable which is new. She’s 5’7” to my now 6’ tall frame and thin like me only where I am thin like piece of wood she’s thin with some mild curves. My dirty blond hair that hangs around my ears from a lack of haircuts is a lazy mess while she has her boy cut black hair a little spiked in the front and shaved on the sides and back. Finally I’m in flannel shirts and jeans where she’s cargo pants, a tank top and her black leather jacket. Today finds me eating my lunch outside and away from everyone as usual when she approaches.

“Hey Guy,” Syd, short for Sydney, says making her way to my spot in the shade.

“Hey,” I keep it short since I don’t like talking much.

“Are you doing well in History,” she asks me about her worst subject.

“Mostly, I just don’t test well sometimes,” I joke a little, I’m passing all my classes easily.

My one saving grace is that without friends, family or any sort of personal obligations I’ll be finishing classes by end of January and not a soul knows about it. I’ll pick up my diploma privately and be packed and gone in within the week.

“Yeah, if we had the same class I’d just partner with you and we’d be able to study together,” Syd informs me and I think about the actual opportunity to be close to a female who likes me.

“Yeah that’d be a good help for you, I could just let you use my notes or something,” I offer but she shrugs, something is up.

“So I’m going to Homecoming,” Syd informs me sitting down in the grass across from me.

“Got asked,” I inquire a little curious.

“No, Mom and Dad keep telling me I ‘need’ to go so I can ‘experience’ high school,” Syd states and I just absently nod,” Mom even has a dress picked out for me and is adjusting it so it doesn’t look too old and fit my skinny ass.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll get asked to dance at least once while you’re there,” I try to be positive for her and that’s when she smiles like she knows something.

“You should go with me,” I hear the words and feel the ‘no’ coming up from the depths of my soul,” I know you don’t go anywhere or do anything but we could be there together. I’ll watch your back and you’ll watch mine. We can just go together and hang out, hell if we have a good time we can make out in my car or something.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to go but I really don’t want to go,” I explain but Syd is persistent.

“You wouldn’t be alone, we’d be together I promise,” Syd asks and I shrug and nod my head consenting to the date.

We work out arrangements and figure on her meeting me at ‘my house’ with her car and from there we’ll head to the dance. I take care of tuxedo rental over the next couple of days and like everything else I do I go about it with everyone else in a state of blissful ignorance to my plans. Even at school I’m not as picked on as I usually am and figure my luck might just be changing for the better. I have everything set up and even exchange numbers with Sydney to work out details. I have my time table set up and Friday after school I take a moment to realize this is my first date ever and my nerves go from calm to shaking in a matter of seconds. I try to remember how to breathe to calm myself and after a few moments get myself under control before grabbing the stuff I need and head out. Getting through the house in a tuxedo is easy when all the girls are dressing up and doing makeup with Mom and the men are busy avoiding them. I head down to the meeting point and end up waiting a little over an hour for Sydney who finally arrives at what she thinks is my house to find me outside waiting. She’s got a beat up red two door hatch back from the eighties or something. I get in and see a strapless red dress in place of Sid’s usually leather jacket and jeans.

“You look amazing,” I comment not thinking but she smiles.

“Thanks, nice tux. Don’t your parents want to see us first,” She asks and I shake my head.

“They’re busy but expect me to tell them all about it when I get home,” I lie more than a little but it’s for my sanity more than anything.

Sydney doesn’t make an issue out of it and pulls us away from ‘home’ and towards the dance. We get in with the rest of the usual crowd and find a spot to sit off to the side. Everything started at eight but I was out of the house by six forty five so when Bethany and Abigail show up dressed to kill and both have dates of a ‘elite’ caliber on their arms I barely pay it any attention. We drink punch; dance a little and I head to the rest room passing Bethany and Abigail at their table. I don’t pay any attention to them as I’m having my night. I’m washing my hands in at the sink when I feel I’m being watched.

“Hey white boy what are you doing here,” Hector asks behind me with a couple boys.

“Just enjoying the dance,” I reply trying to keep to myself.

I try to leave but that’s when the goons grab me. Hector hasn’t beat me up in a while but tonight is a special occasion as they, as quietly as they can, drag me to the dumpsters by the school. I don’t get a major beating but it’s enough that when they open the dumpster and drop me inside I have no way to fight it. I lay there in trash trying to get my feet under me as they leave and after what seems like a half hour struggle my way out of the dumpster. My ribs hurt and I am bleeding from my lip, nose and eyebrow as I head back into the dance. To say I’m making a scene is an understatement as I stagger in and try to find Syd. I look around, ask students and even get a girl to check the restrooms only to find she isn’t here. I try to grab my phone and find it’s not in my pocket. Back outside and I’m in the dumpster for another hour trying to find my device before giving up and looking for her car in the parking lot. I find the spot but the car is long gone. She must have thought I ditched her and went home but now I’m stuck with no ride at ten in the evening. I begin my walk of shame heading in the direction of the house.

Three hours or so later I make it in the door to find the whole house asleep and not a soul looking for me, no surprises there. Gingerly I make it through the weekend tending to my face and ribs as I have for the past three years now, quietly on my own. I discover that there is a video ‘Trash man goes to homecoming’ circulating the internet only to find it’s of me staggering into the dance covered in crap and looking for Sydney. More shit to deal with on Monday which comes quickly enough and I am sitting in the back of second period when I hear some football players talking, a skinny black guy and a big white one.

“Hey man I saw you leave with the girl/boy from the dance,” skinny says to thick.

“Yeah, her date was gone for maybe five minutes and she was dancing with me. Half an hour later we’re getting a hotel room and I’m tapping that ass,” thick remarks and they both laugh.

Wonderful, left me at the dance to fuck someone else, thanks Syd. I get to lunch and find myself sitting outside looking at the loss of a deposit on the tuxedo and new cell phone costs when Sydney finds me and slowly makes her way over.

“Where the hell did you go on Saturday,” she asks and my face answers when I look up to her,” Oh shit, you were the kid who got beat up at the dance?”

“Unless there was another one then yeah it was me,” I remark returning to my lunch.

“I’m sorry I left you there, I was told you left to go to a party with some guys and ended up doing my own thing,” Syd says trying to explain what happened on her end.

“Whatever,” my witty remark when I have nothing worth saying.

“I found your phone,” Syd says holding it out to me,” It must have fallen out of your pocket in my car. It was under the seat.”

I take the phone and return to my food ignoring Sydney who is still waiting for something to happen. It takes her a minute to realize it’s not going to come from me.

“Mind if we talk,” Syd asks and I shrug,” I’m sorry okay. Let me make it up to you.”

“No and not no thank you, just no,” I retort quickly.

“I screwed up,” she starts but I’m quick to cut her off.

“No you left me there and got screwed. We agreed to watch each other’s backs and as soon as I was out of the picture you decided to go to a hotel room and fuck some guy you met at the dance,” I say the words and see the shame in her face,” Yeah, he’s talking all about how he tapped your girl/boy ass.”

Apparently my words hit enough of a chord that Sydney leaves me there and I settle in to finish my meal in quiet.

Next couple of days I come to an epiphany, I need sex. Yeah I’ve been masturbating for a couple years now but sex has been completely off the table and I need to get it done once before I leave this dump so that when I’m out in the world I don’t seem like a complete douche bag. I know a couple nerdy guys one in particular that is close to Abigail who might know someone. His name is Romeo and he’s been dating her friend Marta mostly on and less off since I’ve known them but during the off period I heard about fighting because he hooked up with someone else. I figure that’s the easy way to start, it’s either that or see how much an escort costs. I take the time to catch him at lunch on Thursday as he’s heading to meet his girl and my step sister. Abigail sees me stop him and he’s confused why the school’s punching bag is pulling him aside.

“Hey remember when you and Marta were going through your shit and you hooked up with a girl that puts out easy,” I ask and he blushes that I know,” Yeah I know but I don’t give a shit. Who was she and where do I find her?”

“Seriously, you pull me aside at lunch for a hook up,” he asks and I pull out forty dollars.

“Name and where I find her,” I offer as he takes the money.

“Her name is Alyson, just call her Aly, and she’s in my fifth period class,” Romeo informs me and I nod.

“Tell her to meet me after school by the back of the gym,” I leave the message and walk away.

I am waiting at the back of the gym for what seems like forever when a I see a white girl, about 5’6”, in a long loose knit sweater with the button front open showing her light yet curved build and knee length skirt and leggings, she has blonde straight hair down to her shoulders and a curious look on her face.

“Are you the one Romeo talked about,” she asks and I nod,” seriously I’m not really into virgins or charity and I don’t want to date anyone. I just want to get past my second senior year and make money.”

“Okay… how much,” I have to think because she kind of threw me off, not that it takes much.

“More than you have,” she scoffs and I scramble to come up with something.

“How much do you charge,” I ask and she glares at me.

“Romeo fucking told you,” she asks and I shake my head.

“I heard him and his girlfriend arguing about it once and he said the girl he was with he paid for to make her mad so there would be no drama. I’m not looking for drama or bullshit, I’m looking to spend a bit of money on your time,” I try to keep it tactful as she thinks.

“One hundred, all in advance and I’ll be free to do it tomorrow,” she says but I shake my head.

“I’ll give you twenty now and the rest of the hundred and fifty when we start but you have to find us a place,” I counter offer hoping money greases the wheels of negotiation, I heard the term in a movie.

“One hundred and fifty and you want the full treatment,” Aly asks and I nod,” Deal, meet me at the city bus stop after school tomorrow, if you aren’t on there no deal and don’t set me up for some stupid shit.”

I nod and watch her leave; she’s got a little ass, nice though. I head home on the city bus today as I missed my regular bus but I don’t care since I have a date that will actually pay off. I stop on the route home and take out the money I’ll need and a little extra, never hurts to have some spare cash I guess. My arrival home is mostly unnoticed as Loretta sees me from the kitchen and asks me how school was before Bethany pulls her attention back to homework. I generally ignore everyone else and head to my room. It takes a half hour to actually finish my homework and another hour for dinner which sees me take my plate into the kitchen island and eat while everyone else talks in the dining room. I’ve done it so often that Mom doesn’t even comment on it anymore, also it helps to hide the recovering bruises on my face since I’m wearing a hat or hood most days. I’m alone in my room at eight watching some moron play a video game badly when a soft knock at my door causes me to pause then resume without saying a word. The door opens and Abigail steps inside in sweatpants and a t shirt. The years since we first met have changed my step sisters a bit as they don’t look so much like twins anymore. In Abigail’s case she went from a cups to d in a matter of a year and a half. Add to that her nerdy glasses and quiet demeanor and you have the smart one of the twins. Bethany’s popularity only increased when she dyed her hair blonde like my mother’s but her development was more rounded in the boobs to ass ratio since she is barely pushing a c cup but has cheer squad worth ass. Not to say Abigail’s ass isn’t nice but it’s more pillow than plump. Yes I’ve looked and ogled, I’m eighteen not a Buddhist monk.

“Hey Guy are you alright,” Abigail asks and I shrug not looking at her.

“I’m doing as well as I can be,” I remark watching the video.

“I saw you at the dance, before and after. I tried to get Beth to have someone help you but she,” Abigail begins but I finish.

“She doesn’t give a shit and enjoys watching me suffer just like you and your brother,” I finish my version of her sentence.

“No she didn’t want to ruin our night. I know it’s stupid,” she says and I shrug again.

“My life is my life and not anyone else’s and when my life begins I will breathe free air and never look back,” I feel very poetic and write that down as she stands there confused.

“What did you need to see Romeo about,” Abigail asks and now we get to the point of her in my room.

“Nothing that concerns you or your family,” I remark returning to watching my video,” I won’t expose the deep dark secret of me living with your family.”

I don’t look to her for a reaction, I just ignore her till she leaves and lock my door from unwanted guests. I have everything prepared for tomorrow and even put on double deodorant, spray and stick before leaving in the morning. I’ve never had anything to look forward to in a school day or more so at the end of a school day but now I’m living in the time drag that everyone else must have complained about. I exit my last class and head to the bus stop, hopefully the one Aly told me about. I’m waiting there for a minute or so when my paid date walks up in jeans and long sleeve shirt with three buttons at the top, all undone.

“Hey didn’t know if you’d show up,” she says moving next to me.

“You said be here so here I am, still think I’m setting you up,” I ask and she shakes her head.

“I did a little digging, people don’t know much about you and those that do don’t think that much of you around school. Its okay, a lot of girls don’t like me either so we have that in common,” she says before turning her attention to me,” Have the money?”

“Yep and when we start you’ll get it,” I reply holding my ground.

“Good enough for me, so I need to know since yesterday I was guessing. Are you a virgin,” She asks and my face gives me away,” Not judging but I need to know how much I’m going to have to do to get you to where you enjoy what you paid for.”

“Meaning,” I ask embarrassed but curious.

“You’re a virgin so you won’t last long, I need to make sure you do so you don’t get pissy and demand your money back,” Aly says with a bit more curiosity than I expected.

We pay and board the bus taking seats next to each other as we do the hour ride through town to her place. We get out and I realize we’re not anywhere in our school’s boundaries but figure if anything we should be at her place soon hopefully. We walk a short way and when she cuts into an alley way I stop, it takes her a second to notice.

“What’s up,” Aly asks and I look around to the street.

“Am I being set up,” I ask turning her face sour.

“What do you mean set up,” she counters.

“Here we are almost completely across town in a section that I know isn’t on our school’s route and you’re leading me into an alley. Sorry but too many times I have had my ass beat not to see a set up,” I tell her and now she’s on defense.

“My family’s place is on the other side of here across the street, I always cut through here,” she explains,” Also it’s secluded enough to help you calm down a bit.”

“Calm down,” I ask as Aly comes back to me and takes my hand.

Her hand is warm as he leads me into the ally and past an industrial dumpster with a fence a little after it that has a gate. Before the fence she stops us and backs into the space between the two and pulls me after her, there is enough room for us to stand but not much to maneuver but that doesn’t stop her from crouching down and undoing my pants.

“You need to tell me before you shoot, alright,” she says pulling the front of my jeans down exposing the head and a little bit of me,” Not bad width.”

I can’t even fully comprehend why I did not want to come into this alley a couple seconds ago as Alyson licks the tip of my penis. It almost tickles as she swirls her tongue around before pulling down the front of my jeans all the way and stopping.

“Ummm that is not what I expected,” Aly says gripping me with her hand and jerking me a little.

“What’s wrong,” my reply notes some concern.

“Nothing I just thought you’d be smaller, you should be able to get a girlfriend with this thing easily,” she informs me and I think about my size.

I’m only eight inches long and from what Aly’s just told me have pretty good width, guess that makes me bigger than her average which is a bit of a pride bump. I watch in amazement as her mouth descends onto me and takes about half of me in before pulling back and repeating the process. It’s not fancy or rough like porn, just a simple working of my penis but for me it is life altering. Aly is bobbing her head back and forth enough that I brace myself on the wall behind her with my hands as she continues to suck me off. It’s a good minute before I feel myself want to cum and I grunt something to try to warn the current greatest female that ever lived, EVER. She figures out my grunts and pulls her mouth off and face out of the way before jerking me just enough that I spray all over the alley wall behind Alyson. She keeps me from getting any on her and I’m light headed for a minute or two as my rush fades and find Aly helping to fix my jeans.

“Come on, let’s get you inside so I can ambush you again,” Aly says making a joke.

I was very skeptical before and more than a little nervous but now I’m good; hell I’m freaking great in comparison to an hour ago. We get inside a building and its three flights of stairs up to the apartment. We get inside and I feel like I’m home, not current home, past home. It’s a little dirty, a little cluttered but more lived in and homey than I was raised in. We pass the living room and down the hall to the bedrooms where I am shown to the one on the left as Aly follows me in and closes the door.

“Okay I gave you the first bit so I need to see the money,” She says and I respond giving her the rest of the hundred fifty,” Okay now I know you’re not full of shit and you know I’m actually going to do what you paid for.”

“Okay so what now,” I ask as we have put our bags down.

Her room is cluttered, dirty clothes in the corner and a couple posters with a nice dresser/mirror combo and a full sized bed against the wall. I watch her grab a couple things from a drawer and wait as she addresses me.

“Okay now turn around and strip, I’m going to change and don’t turn around till I tell you,” Aly dictates and I comply.

Stripping right now with a girl behind me who is probably naked is a little embarrassing. I can hear her moving and removing clothes as I strip down and finally finish my own disrobing and am completely naked.

“Okay so turn around,” Aly says and I do a slow turn.

She’s got a simple grey robe on that stops at her mid thigh, it’s closed but that’s because she’s holding it closed with her hands. A light smile creeps across her face as I realize I’m hard again.

“Now I know that you’re happy to see me but how do not have a girlfriend,” she says moving up to me and touching my chest,” You are lean but this is muscle and your tool is big enough to please.”

“You said it earlier, people don’t like me,” I reply as I not the bare flesh in the opening of her robe.

She knows I’m staring and smiles a little as when I get closer to her my little helper decides to poke her in the belly. She laughs a little now and reaches into the pocket of the robe and produces a condom which I remember from the numerous sex education classes, television commercials and pregnancy shows as the second best method to preventing unwanted pregnancy. Well fuck them I’m more interested in the simple fact that she’s prepared to make sure I get my money’s worth. I watch her tear the package open and pull the little odd balloon out. It takes her a second to get it around my cock head and she giggles again, what is so funny?

“I’m just glad I have one in your size, small and extra small would break,” she jokes and I tense up as she touches me again,” You’re so sensitive, this is going to be fun.”

I’m led to her bed and watch as she crawls backwards on it and lays down facing me with her legs spread wide. I have to take in the sight of her, firm full b cup breasts with nipples bigger than a quarter, a small thin landing strip of hair leading to her pussy. I crawl up the bed over her and lean down kissing one breast and then the other, she giggles a little at my foreplay.

“You don’t need to do that, I’m ready,” Aly informs me and I shrug sucking on her nipple a little,” That does feel good though.”

I smile inside, she feels good. I feel her hands on my hips guiding over her and then pulling on my condom covered penis to the beginning of the end for my virginity. I don’t push as much as let her pull me the first inch or so inside her and immediately I can tell the difference between her mouth and her vagina, the heat alone does that. I can’t make out too much feel from it thanks to the condom but she has me in a firm grip and it’s warm. I rest my upper body on my hands and my lower body on my knees as I push inside her.

“Now I’m used to sex but you’re a bit bigger than normal so go slow,” Aly tells me and I nod.

I push taking my time and pull back a little getting more and more of me inside with each push till finally my hips are resting against Aly’s. Aly for her part is has her eyes mostly closed and her head bowed when I realize she’s looking down to where we’re connected. I back up and press the length of me back inside slowly and it makes us both exhale loudly. I keep this slow steady pace using most of my cock during the thrusts, mostly cause she said I was big and I want to give her more than she’s used to. Aly’s hands are on my back and hips holding me in place when after a few minutes she starts to bring her hips up to my own. It only lets me use half of my eight inches but now she’s watching me.

“Harder,” I hear her ask then realize she isn’t asking, she’s telling me,” Harder, ram it in.”

I speed up more than a little and causing her bed to shake as I bounce my hips into Aly’s, who for the most part is holding one of her legs up letting me hit deeper inside her. I shift my arms, one down hooking her leg with my elbow bringing it up and holding it higher for her and the other resting on my elbow next to her head almost holding her in place. She can’t move like she was but it doesn’t matter as I speed up and drive into her harder and faster. Every push inside her lets me hear a light yelp or whimper noise that spurs me on and I feel more alive right now that anytime I’ve tried to fight or run for my life. I don’t realize how hard and fast I’m going till a picture falls off her dresser next to us from the bed hitting it. Aly doesn’t say anything since she’s groaning and cooing while I start to feel myself lose control. I’m trying to drive her into the bed when I feel my blood boil and I fill the condom with everything I have. I shake and grunt holding myself as deep inside Aly as I can when I feel her lips grip my tongue, which is outside my mouth for some reason, and suck on it hard. I let her pull my face down to her own not because I want her to but more because if I didn’t I don’t think I’d be able to stop her. She lets me rest and relax after releasing my tongue and finally she pushes me, gently, off of her. I watch as she takes off the robe she’s been laying on and uses it to wipe herself up then turning her attention to me pulls the condom off and cleans me with the same robe. I watch her naked body move around the room a little and open the window a small bit before she pulls on some panties and a bra. I take that as my cue to get dressed and get my jeans up when she decides to talk to me.

“I don’t normally kiss guys when they pay,” Aly informs me and I nod,” You’re not freaking out or in love with me are you?”

“No, I liked it and I’m grateful that you were honest with me about it but did you enjoy it,” I ask and she grimaces a little.

“Kinda. You weren’t bad, just didn’t know much of what to do. If you weren’t as big as you are I would have been faking the whole thing,” Aly says and I catch the words.

“How much were you faking,” I ask and she realizes her mistake.

“Only a bit at the beginning, after that you got me into it and I did cum a little,” she says it and I just leave it alone hoping she’s being honest.

There isn’t much for conversation between us after that, I paid and she did what I needed. All in all I feel great however. She has no reason to lie and taking things at face value from what just happened I rest my brain on the paranoid thinking. Aly shows me out of the apartment locking the door after me, she’s being safe for herself and I appreciate that as I head down the stairs and out of the building.

I’m on the street and walking almost the same route back to the bus stop I was dropped off at feeling alive and actually good for the first time in a while. I cut back through the alley that I came through and get blindsided by something hard hitting and breaking against my head. I go down and feel feet kicking the hell out of me as I try to pull my limbs in and protect my head, neck and stomach. Another solid hit from something not attached to the human body on my kidney forces me to lose my ball of protection and a foot hits me square in the jaw. I’m pretty much out of it at that point as I can’t move and I’m being knocked seven ways to Sunday. Finally they stop and I hear them talking, it’s Spanish and I can make out the words ‘stand’ and ‘up’ before two of the people who have been kicking the shit out of me grab my arms and force me to my feet. I see one person, blue rag over their face, possibly Latino with a baseball cap on and something shiny in their hand. Then the wind leaves my body and I look down shocked to see the knife coming out of my stomach. Panic and terror grip me as I’m dropped by the others and the fall seems like it takes forever. I’m laying on the ground and I can hear the three, there are three of them talking about running or cops, I can’t tell as I’m trying to hold my blood in my body. I watch two of the three leave saying about getting a car as the third watches me bleed. I don’t know what this one is doing when they lower themselves down and begins going through my pockets but soon finds my phone, all I can do is make a weak noise. The knife wielder pulls me so I’m sitting upright against the dumpster and shows me the screen of the phone; it reads 9-1-1. I watch them hit the call button and hear the operator begin to ask the nature of my emergency. I can barely make noise to respond as my attacker sets the phone down and moves away from me quickly to the end of the alley, hopping into a car before it pulls away. The operator is asking me for information and I am trying to say something but I feel so cold and there is blood all over my jeans. This was the best day of my life.

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